The "details" I learned about her I will tell in one word: her father and mother were dead, they had died three years before, and she had been left with two disreputable aunts: though it is saying too little to call them disreputable. One aunt was a widow with a large family (six children, one smaller than another), the other a horrid old maid. Both were horrid. Her father was in the service, but only as a copying clerk, and was only a gentleman by courtesy; in fact, everything was in my favour. I came as though from a higher world; I was anyway a retired lieutenant of a brilliant regiment, a gentleman by birth, independent and all the rest of it, and as for my pawnbroker's shop, her aunts could only have looked on that with respect. She had been living in slavery at her aunts' for those three years: yet she had managed to pass an examination somewhere - she managed to pass it, she wrung the time for it, weighed down as a she was by the pitiless burden of daily drudgery, and that proved something in the way of striving for what was higher and better on her part! Why, what made me want to marry her?
关于她的“底细”，我所了解的，可以用一句话说清楚：父母都已死去，而且死得早，三年前就死去了，她便留在两个不大守规矩的姑姑家。我要说，把她们叫做不大守规矩的人，还不太确切。一个姑姑是个寡妇，家庭人口多，有六个孩子，而且一个比一个小；另一个是老处女，为人可恶。两个都很不好。她父亲是个官员，但是文书出身，充其量只是个人获得一个贵族的称号①，总而言之，一切都与我很般配。我似乎也出自上流社会：不管怎么说，好歹总是个威名赫赫的步兵团退役的上尉，一个世袭的贵族，不依附于人等等，至于当铺嘛，她的姑姑们只能对它表示尊敬。她在姑姑家奴隶般地干了三年，尽管如此，她还是在什么地方通过了考试——她是从日常繁重劳动中抽出时间来参加考试的，而且顺利获得通过。从她这一方面来说，这至少说明她是努力上进、追求高尚与崇高的！你知道我为什么想同她结婚吗？
Never mind me, though; of that later on . . . As though that mattered! – She taught her aunt's children; she made their clothes; and towards the end not only washed the clothes, but with her weak chest even scrubbed the floors. To put it plainly, they used to beat her, and taunt her with eating their bread. It ended by their scheming to sell her. Tfoo! I omit the filthy details. She told me all about it afterwards. All this had been watched for a whole year by a neighbour, a fat shopkeeper, and not a humble one but the owner of two grocer's shops. He had ill-treated two wives and now he was looking for a third, and so he cast his eye on her. "She's a quiet one," he thought; "she's grown up in poverty, and I am marrying for the sake of my motherless children." He really had children.
不过，关于我的事情，不值得一提，留待以后再说吧……问题莫非就出在这里！她教姑妈的孩子读书认字，缝衣服，后来不仅缝衣服，而且喂奶、擦地板。他们甚至揍她，骂她白吃他们的面包，最后他们打算把她卖掉。呸！那些肮脏的详情细节，我就不去讲它了。后来她把所有的情况都详详细细告诉了我。隔壁的一个胖掌柜观察这些事已经整整一年，全都看在眼里。此人还不是一般的店老板，而是开有两家杂货店呢。他已经折磨死两个老婆，正在物色第三个，于是就看中了她，说她“性格文静，生在贫苦人家，而我呢，之所以结婚，是为了失去母亲的孩子。”的确，他有几个没娘的孩子。
He began trying to make the match and negotiating with the aunts. He was fifty years old, besides. She was aghast with horror. It was then she began coming so often to me to advertise in the Voice. At last she began begging the aunts to give her just a little time to think it over. They granted her that little time, but would not let her have more; they were always at her: "We don't know where to turn to find food for ourselves, without an extra mouth to feed." I had found all this out already, and the same day, after what had happened in the morning, I made up my mind. That evening the shopkeeper came, bringing with him a pound of sweets from the shop; she was sitting with him, and I called Lukerya out of the kitchen and told her to go and whisper to her that I was at the gate and wanted to say something to her without delay. I felt pleased with myself. And altogether I felt awfully pleased all that day.
他派人来说媒，同她的两个姑母勾结在一起。再说他已年过五十，所以她怕得要死。现在她常来找我，商量在《呼声》报上登广告的事。最后，她请求两位姑姑给她点时间考虑考虑。她们给了她一点点时间，但只给一回，第二回就不给了，她们说：“就是没有你这张多余的嘴，我们也不知道吃什么呢。”这些情况，我已经全知道了，当天早晨谈话以后，我就作出了决定。那天傍晚，那个商人来了，从店里带来了一磅价值半个戈比的糖果；她和商人一起坐着，我把卢凯里娅从厨房里叫出来，吩咐她去悄悄地告诉她，我站在大门口，有急事找她。我对自己感到很满意。总的说来，这一整天我都是感到很满意的。--------①指不能世袭的贵族。
On the spot, at the gate, in the presence of Lukerya, before she had recovered from her amazement at my sending for her, I informed her that I should look upon it as an honour and happiness . . . telling her, in the next place, not to be surprised at the manner of my declaration and at my speaking at the gate, saying that I was a straightforward man and had learned the position of
affairs. And I was not lying when I said I was straightforward. Well, hang it all. I did not only speak with propriety - that is, showing I was a man of decent breeding, but I spoke with originality and that was the chief thing. After all, is there any harm in admitting it? I want to judge myself and am judging myself. I must speak pro and contra, and I do. I remembered afterwards with enjoyment, though it was stupid, that I frankly declared, without the least embarrassment, that, in the first place, I was not particularly talented, not particularly intelligent, not particularly good-natured, rather a cheap egoist (I remember that expression, I thought of it on the way and was pleased with it) and that very probably there was a great deal that was disagreeable in me in other respects. All this was said with a special sort of pride - we all know how that sort of thing is said. Of course, I had good taste enough not to proceed to enlarge on my virtues after honourably enumerating my defects, not to say "to make up for that I have this and that and the other." I saw that she was still horrible frightened I purposely exaggerated. I told her straight out that she would have enough to eat, but that fine clothes, theatres, balls - she would have none of, at any rate not till later on, when I had attained my object. This severe tone was a positive delight to me.
就在门口边，当着卢凯里娅的面，我告诉她（我派人去叫她，使她大吃一惊），我认为是一种幸福，一种荣誉……其次，我希望她不要对我的作法，不要对我站在门口感到惊讶，我说：“我是个直性子，对于事情的详情细节，我都作了研究。我说我是直性子，并不是撒谎。好吧，那就不说吧。我的话不仅说得体面，也就是说，表现出了我是个有教养的人，而且说得颇有特色，而这一点是主要的。怎么？难道承认这一点就是犯罪吗？我想对自己作出判断，而且现在正在做。我应该说出pro和contra①，而且我正在说。就是后来回忆起来，我还是感到痛快，尽管这事做得很愚蠢：我当时直言不讳，毫不感到难为情，我直截了当地宣布：第一，我并不特别有才华，也不特别聪明，甚至也许并不特别善良，我是一个相当廉价的利己主义者（这个用语，我至今还清楚记得，那是我走在路上想出来的，而且相当满意）。很可能身上包含着许多其他方面令人不快的东西。所有这些话都是带着一种特殊的骄傲心情说出来的——大家都知道是怎么说的。当然，我有足够的能力，在光明正大地说完我的缺点以后，不去谈我的优点，我会说：“但是，尽管如此，我还是有那么一点点长处。”我发现她暂时还是怕得要死，不过，我并没有因此而口气有所缓和，恰恰相反，因为看到她害怕，反而故意加强了语气；我坦率地说，她饭是有吃的，不过穿好衣服、上戏院、进舞厅，那是决然办不到的，除非以后我达到了目的。这一严厉的口气，简直使我感到洋洋得意。我还补充说（当然也是尽量说得随便一些）如果我干上了这玩意儿，也就是说开当铺罗，那么我就只有一个目的，有这么一个情况……但是，我确实有权这么说：我的确有这样一个的目的，和一个这样的情况。
I added as cursorily as possible, that in adopting such a calling - that is, in keeping a pawnbroker's shop, I had one object, hinting there was a special circumstance . . . but I really had a right to say so: I really had such an aim and there really was such a circumstance. Wait a minute, gentlemen; I have always been the first to hate this pawnbroking business, but in reality, though it is absurd to talk about oneself in such mysterious phrases, yet, you know, I was "revenging myself on society," I really was, I was, I was! So that her gibe that morning at the idea of my revenging myself was unjust. that is, do you see, if I had said to her straight out in words: "yes, I am revenging myself on society," she would have laughed as she did that morning, and it would, in fact have been absurd. But by indirect hints, but dropping mysterious phrases, it appeared that it was possible to work upon her imagination. Besides, I had no fears then: I knew that the fat shopkeeper was anyway more repulsive to her than I was, and that I, standing at the gate, had appeared as a deliverer. I understood that, of course. Oh, what is base a man understands particularly well! But was it base? How can a man judge? Didn't I love her even then?
先生们，请你们稍等一等，我这一辈子最恨的，就是这个当铺，不过，实际上我并不恨它，这就是说对自己用神秘的话语说起来都觉得好笑。我不是以此“向社会进行报复”的吗？确实如此，确实如此，确实如此！所以她早晨嘲笑我“复仇”的尖刻话，是不正确的。也就是说，你们会看到，如果我直截了当地对她说：“是的，我是在对社会进行报复”的话，她就会像前不久的早晨那样，哈哈大笑，结果就会真的显得可笑。好吧，要是用间接暗示的方法，说一句神秘莫测的话，那就可能激起人们的想象。再说我当时已经毫无畏惧：因为我知道，在她看来那个胖老板至少比我卑劣，而我站在大门口，简直就是她的救命恩人。这一点我是很清楚的。啊，对于卑劣的事情，人总是特别容易理解的！但是，那是卑鄙行为么？这里怎么去判断人呢？即便是在当时，难道我没有爱上她吗？ ------- ①拉丁文：赞成和反对。
Wait a bit: of course, I didn't breathe a word to her of doing her a benefit; the opposite, oh, quite the opposite; I made out that it was I that would be under an obligation to her, not she to me. Indeed, I said as much - I couldn't resist saying it - and it sounded stupid, perhaps, for I noticed a shade flit across her face. But altogether I won the day completely. Wait a bit, if I am to recall all that vileness, then I will tell of that worst beastliness. As I stood there what was stirring in my mind was, "You are tall, a good figure, educated and - speaking without conceit - good-looking." That is what was at work in my mind. I need hardly say that, on the spot, out there at the gate she said "yes." But . . . but I ought to add: that out there by the gate she thought a long time before she said "yes." She pondered for so long that I said to her, "Well?" - and could not even refrain from asking it with a certain swagger.
请你们等一等：当时关于我的善意，当然半句也没对她说过。恰恰相反，是的，是恰恰相反，我说：“受到恩赐的恰恰是我，而不是您。”我忍不住，甚至说了出来，结果，看起来也许显得很愚蠢，因为我发现她脸上迅速出现了皱纹。不过总的说来，我却成了大赢家。请等一等，既然这些肮脏东西全都回忆起来了，那就干脆把最后一点卑鄙的事情，也抖落出来吧：我站在那里，脑子里便活动开了：你个子高大，身材匀称、受过教育，最后，毫不吹牛地说，你长相不错。这就是我脑子里闪出的想法。当然，她站在门口，马上对我说是。不过……不过，我应该补充一句：她在说是以前，站在门口，想了好久。她是那么想呀，想呀，我已经打算要开口问她了：“喂，怎么样呀？”我到底没有忍住，终于非常优雅地问道：“喂，怎么样呀？”
"Wait a little. I'm thinking."
“您等一等，我正在想呢。”
And her little face was so serious, so serious that even then I might have read it! And I was mortified: "Can she be choosing between me and the grocer!" I thought. Oh, I did not understand then! I did not understand anything, anything, then! I did not understand till today! I remember Lukerya ran after me as I was going away, stopped me on the road and said, breathlessly: "God will reward you, sir, for taking our dear young lady; only don't speak of that to her - she's proud."
她的面色是那么严肃，严肃得使我当时就可以看出她的想法来！可我呢，居然生气了，我想：“莫非她在我和商店老板之间进行挑选？”啊，当时我还没有弄明白！直到今天还不明白！我记得，卢凯里娅跟在我后面，在我走的时候，她停在道路上，上气不接下气地说：“老爷，上帝会保佑您的，您把我们可爱的小姐娶去吧，不过，您可不能对她说，她是很高傲的。”
Proud, is she! "I like proud people," I thought. Proud people are particularly nice when . . . well, when one has no doubt of one's power over them, eh? Oh, base, tactless man! Oh, how pleased I was! You know, when she was standing there at the gate, hesitating whether to say "yes" to me, and I was wondering at it, you know, she may have had some such thought as this: "If it is to be misery either way, isn't it best to choose the very worst" - that is, let the fat grocer beat her to death when he was drunk! Eh! What do you think, could there have been a thought like that?
好呀，真高傲！我说，我就是爱高傲的。高傲的人特别好，当……嗯，当你已经不怀疑自己对她们具有大得多的力量时候，是吗？啊，我这个人真是低贱、笨拙！啊，我是多么得意啊！您知道，当她站在门口沉思，打算对我说是的时候，我却感到惊讶，您知道，她甚至可能出现这样的想法：“既然这里那里都是不幸，莫不干脆挑最坏的岂不更好，也就是挑上那个胖老板，让他酒醉醺醺，快点把我打死，岂不更好！”她会这么想吗，啊？您以为这样的想法可能吗？
And, indeed, I don't understand it now, I don't understand it at all, even now. I have only just said that she may have had that thought: of two evils choose the worst - that is the grocer. But which was the worst for her then - the grocer or I? The grocer or the pawnbroker who quoted Goethe? That's another question! What a question! And even that you don't understand: the answer is lying on the table and you call it a question! Never mind me, though. It's not a question of me at all . . . and, by the way, what is there left for me now – whether it's a question of me or whether it is not? That's what I am utterly unable to answer. I had better go to bed. My head aches. . . .
就是现在我也不明白，我至今还一点也不明白！我刚才不是说了，她可能有这样的想法：从两个不幸之中挑选最坏的一个，也就是挑选胖老板吗？可对她来说，到底谁更坏呢——我还是胖老板？是胖老板还是引用过歌德的话的当铺掌柜呢？这还是一个问题！什么问题？你也不明白：答案明明摆在桌子上，可你说是个问题！再说我又算什么呢！问题根本不在我身上……附带说一句，问题根本不在我身上，现在对我来说，又有什么用呢？这个问题，你看，我根本无法解答。最好去躺下睡觉。我的头痛起来了……
